Checking Boxes

I’m not a fan of this new picture we’ve been painting around relationships and love. We’ve turned it into something mysterious and magical when in reality, your soulmate should be your self mirror. I know your pride doesn’t want to hear that but we aren’t suppose to date and marry one another’s ego. Y’all only want to do life with people who make you feel good enough to forget the things you actually need to be working on and that’s usually why it doesn’t work out. You can’t see yourself outside of yourself so the only way you know that you’re healed and ready for a real companion is how you care for, cover and communicate with your special somebody. The harsh truth is that a lot of you don’t like your own reflection so you come up with excuses as to why you and that other person aren't compatible, even when they could be the very answer to your prayers. It’s not that you’re no longer attracted to them. You’re turned off by accountability. You didn’t cheat because you were being neglected. You hate not being able to control the narrative. Your pride was the problem. Your need to be right over having something real is the reason every next turns into an ex. Let’s stop pretending love is overly complicated when in reality, there’s a lack of conviction. Too stubborn to apologize, too in denial to address triggers, too stuck on the last bad experience to know there’s a life changing one looking directly at you. Love is not an excuse to break people down with YOUR baggage. A partnership should be just that, two people working as one towards shared visions and common goals. If you aren’t going to do the work, stop inviting people into your self-centered world. And on the flip side, you don’t have to accept every jersey that’s handed to you. At some point you have to stop trying to be a team with someone who doesn’t even qualify for the practice squad, let alone the main roster. It’s not about a person checking all of your boxes if they can’t call you out on your blind spots and inspire you to fix what’s broken.


Companionship comes down to what two individuals are willing to change and what they’ve conditioned themselves to tolerate, with Christ as the focus. It is not your responsibility to fix things they refuse to face. I’ve seen too many big hearts suffer, waiting on the sidelines to be courted by an individual that left them confused and conflicted. Nothing wrong with leaving at halftime if they’re only present part time. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t about finding the individual that keeps you on cloud 9 because staying grounded is necessary to grow in grace but no union can improve when both people are running from their shadows to avoid things they need to shed in order to share genuine happiness with one another.

The Lord states in John 15:12, “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.” When you have encountered the quality of love described in this scripture, a Godly kind of love, it becomes easier to differentiate those who are actually ready and those who still need a little more raising. You can’t do the latter and expect longevity that’s rooted in enjoyment.

Jasmine Michelle